Striving and Struggling

I have some things weighing heavily in my heart and mind lately, things I am trying to figure out. I struggle with them to the point that the waters have been completely muddied and I don’t know what I am trying to figure out anymore.  I want to strive for God’s purposes and not my own, but I struggle with what to do with my “self” in the mean time.
To strive means to make great efforts to achieve something.  To struggle means to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or great resistance. Each word can be found in the definition of the other.
Elisabeth Elliot once pointed out in one of her books, that to struggle with something was to not allow God to have it. Like in the story of Jacob wrestling with the angel during the night; Jacob struggles with the angel because he’s not going to let go until he gets a blessing.
My desire is to strive after God’s plan and not my own. I confess that I feel a bit like Paul, who shares his battle in Romans 7:16–20, about doing good but instead the sinful side shows up.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm139:23-24).” This is my heart’s cry. Is it yours as well?

About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
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