No, I am not pregnant, at least not in the literal, traditional sense. However, I am pregnant with anticipation. An opportunity has been offered to me to do something I have longed to do– another life-long dream. Just like during pregnancy, it will require careful planning, preparation and patience. I cannot use an ultrasound machine to see what the opportunity will look like as it grows and develops. I have to trust that it will look exactly like God designed it to, no more, no less.
Situations like this challenge and encourage me all at the same time. I am challenged simply because I am finite and human and it feels a bit like the Christmas morning that will “never get here.” The encouragement is that God has such an amazing plan that it would overwhelm me if He gave it to me all at once, so instead, He gives me a little bit at a time until I am ready for the entire gift.
As a parent, if I had taken my pregnancy test and then immediately been handed my son without the time to process how life would change, stay the same, the adaptations I would need to make, etc., I think I would have fallen apart. I was ready to be a mom, but I was not ready to mother someone. In the same way, God knows I am ready for this new opportunity but I am not prepared to handle all it will require yet. So I wait, trusting in God’s perfect timing.
One of my favorite books in the Bible is Isaiah. It really seems to contain all of the pain, hurt, struggles and triumphs of Israel as a nation. They also went through a labor and delivery of being and becoming who God created them to be, His Chosen People. Isaiah 48:17 says, “This is what the LORD says– your Redeemer, The Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way should go.'” Later in Isaiah 49:23c it says, “Then you will know that I am LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”
When I accepted my husband’s marriage proposal, I wrote him a letter which included the verse from 1 Corinthians 2:9, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him-.” It is originally from Isaiah 64:4.
As I wait for the day of completion that will bring forth my new opportunity, I am going to rest on these verses and trust in the God who has never failed, never wavered, and never given up on bringing His perfect plan to its perfect end (see Philippians 1:6).