In the past three weeks my faith has been rocked in ways I never wanted it to be. My mom has been ill since October and took a deadly turn for the worse when her calcium levels in her blood were so high there was no way to measure them– they were literally off the charts. Thankfully, my dad got my mom to the hospital in time and she is now on the slow road to recovery.
Last night my sixteen year old son was driving to his small group when he pulled out into traffic too soon and was hit by a vehicle. The truck he was driving was hit in the driver side front corner panel. The police office said my son was lucky the impact wasn’t further back on the truck. My son is fine, the truck is not.
I have always said that I trusted God and His plan and knew that His plan was perfect. I’ve said it, even when my faith hasn’t been strong enough to fully believe it. These past few weeks have been a time when I have had only my faith to cling to, gripping it with white knuckled hands.
The “what if” thoughts have crossed my mind many times and I have had to chase them out by saying “but it didn’t” over and over again.
There are so many times when I have thought, “God you can have everything in my life.” I’ve prayed it, sang it, and thought I meant it. But did I? Did I really mean it?
I think I understand Abraham a bit more now. He had seen the fruition of God’s promise for a child and now God was telling him to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice to God. We know on the other side of the story that God provided another offering, but Isaac still had to be put on the altar.
It was God’s ultimate question, “Are you willing to let go of everything if I ask you to?” And the bigger question, “Do you trust me enough to know I have your best in mind?”
From the time my sons were born and throughout their lives, I have trusted God’s plan. Both sons were born with potentially deadly situations. When my first son was born I had pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure was very high and the doctors induced me before my due date. It was scary at the time,I knew things were wrong, but no one was telling my husband or me how serious it was. I didn’t know until years later that my son and I could have died if the doctor hadn’t caught the signs.
My second son was born a week before his due date and it seemed all was well, until my doctor found the knot in the umbilical cord. No one knew the knot was there until he was born. The look on the doctor’s face told me how serious things could have been had my son not been born a week early.
In the past few weeks my heart has been reminded again that whatever my situation in life, God has the controls and I don’t. I will only be able to continue in my life by remembering that my grip on the things around me, stuff, situations, even people should never be tighter than the grip I have on God.
Twenty years ago, Steve Camp had a song called “Love that Will Not Let Me Go.” It has been running through my mind today. I hope the words encourage you today as well.
In this weary world chasing after dreams just led me back
where I started
I couldn’t see my way, or find a hiding place for the
You spoke softly to my soul, with one touch I was made
(Now I know that) there is a love that will not let me go
I can face tomorrow because You hold me forever
Stronger than the mighty winds that blow, I’m safe within
Love that will not let me go
Lord You always knew the road that I would take
But then You saved me just in time
And what I owe to You I could not repay so I pledge You
my whole life
Never trusted love before, but I won’t be afraid anymore