on why, how and Who

Seeking to find the “why” in events, experiences, and emotions seems to be how many spend their past time, myself included.  If I could just find the why I would at least have the reason, and with reason comes logic, a plan and a purpose.  It explains, it answers the questions, concerns, worries, and cares we have each day.

But there are times when why doesn’t get answered. My friends, S. and T. had less than 24 hours with their little boy, a precious baby, before he passed away.  The emotions are raw, deep, and painful.  My heart aches for them as I watch my two sons, strong and healthy, doing everyday things.  All of the loss, the hopes, plans, and ideas were buried with baby J.

How do I find the reasons for this? How can I answer the why? 

I look around the world, the news-feeds that share the destruction, the division, the hurt, the despair, or have seen in the eyes of the displaced, the abused, abandoned, the orphaned, or the homeless that look that says how will I ever find what I am missing? I know we cannot help them all, but I know I can reach those in my circle.  But I sometimes wonder, How can God allow this to happen?

Every time I allow my heart to be still in these moments, when pain, hurt, questions without answers, and events without clear reasons fill my mind, I look to God and wait.  Sometimes, I shake my head, sometimes my fist, wondering what God is doing.

Then I remember Isaiah 55:8-9,

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
and your ways are not My ways.”
This is the Lord’s declaration.
 “For as heaven is higher than earth,
so My ways are higher than your ways,
and My thoughts than your thoughts.

I am not in charge. I don’t get to have the answers, I don’t get to know the whys and the hows in this life. But each day I choose to seek the God Who is in charge of this world and Who loves each one of us and knows us each by name.

I long to hold all of those who are hurting, those who feel lost, who are lost, who need to know the God in Heaven Who longs to have an intimate relationship with them.  I believe my heart aches for them because God has built in me the desires of His heart.  To love us, to have relationship with us, to comfort us, direct us, and grow us into the men and women He created us to become.

The whys and hows of this world may never make sense this side of Heaven.  I cannot see it all today, but I will one day.  As Paul said, For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known (1 Corinthians 13:12).


About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
This entry was posted in growing pains, reflections, Walking by Faith and not by sight and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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