Never alone 

Standing in church some Sundays is complex. I am supposed to be settling in and focusing on God, today my heart was wandering. We sang something, I don’t recall the title, the artist, I do recall the sense of fear that washed over me. It was palpable. 

In my mind I pulled back to try to find the trigger point for my fear. 

Being alone. 

Somewhere in the song lyrics had been a phrase about being left alone. Suddenly my head and my heart we’re working through to figure out what was going on. My deepest fear, the one that I keep tucked under my bed in the very back corner, is the idea of being left alone. 

No sons. No husband. No support system. Nothing and no one to lean on. I could feel the chill take over my spine, I started to think I needed to sit down. 

And then my mind took a right turn. 

What would happen? 

What would happen to you if suddenly you didn’t have your husband? 

Your sons? 

What if your friends/family were not there to support you?

 Would you collapse?

 Would you be destroyed? 

I stopped thinking of all the scary things that would be terrifying to experience on my own. The decisions I would have to face. The day-to-day choices I would have to make. 

If you had no one else, would you truly be alone? The voice asked me

Would you be without hope? 

Without peace? 

Without strength? 

Would you be without Me? 

Oh, Jesus. 

Gradually my fear melted away, a gentle soothing spirit of Ultimate Grace poured over me. 

If my world suddenly fell apart and I was left to face the rest of my life alone, I wouldn’t actually be alone. I don’t need to fear. My God loves me, I am beloved, I am precious. He has been clear since before Time that I will not be alone. 

Hebrews 11:5 says it so well, for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you.  How much more clearly do I need to hear it? 

O Best Beloved, what is your worst fear? What are you so afraid of that you don’t want to speak it out loud? Don’t want anyone else to discover about you? Guess what? God already knows about it. He already knows, and He isn’t surprised. He isn’t shocked and appalled  by what keeps you up at night. 

Turn to Him. Whisper your fear to Him. Write it down. Do not let your fears be your taskmaster any more.

You are freed because of Christ’s sacrifice. Do not allow your fears keep you bound any longer. 

Let me say that again. 

Do not allow your fears keep you bound any longer. 

We are never, never, never alone. Say it with me. We are never alone. Someday I may be a widow (many, many years from now I hope) I may even out live my children, I don’t know, only God does. But even if I am one day left with nothing, I will still have something.

I am a child of God. He will never leave me. He will never leave you. 

About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
This entry was posted in growing pains, Walking by Faith and not by sight and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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