now I know

Jesus has been a part of my life for almost three decades now. I am not the girl who stood in the tent that day confessing my heart to Him, asking Him to come into my life. I have had multiple life experiences since then college graduation, marriage, children, moving from one state to another. So many dear ones lost to illness or old age, precious children born. Truly the Jesus I said yes to that day is not the same Jesus I follow today.

The Jesus I followed then was the shiny one, the one who could fix my broken pieces, wash me clean, and make me new. That is the Jesus I needed at that time. I was so shattered by the things I had done and the things that had been done to me, that I didn’t even comprehend the depth and breadth of the healing Jesus was giving to me.

Now, the Jesus I follow is the one who is taking me on more difficult trails, we are climbing down further and climbing up higher than I ever imagined. I am facing harder seasons of silence, seasons of difficult work, and coming to face-to-face with what my life would be without Jesus. Something I am grateful I don’t have to experience.

When I think of what I know now and what I knew then, I realize that it was like a blind date that I agreed to that summer day. I could never have known that I would learn that Jesus would stand by me when I lost friendships because of my faith, or had my fiance break-up with me three weeks before our wedding. I didn’t know Jesus would be bigger than that heartache. I only know I didn’t have to face it alone, He was with me. I didn’t know that I would have my faith challenged deeply for being nothing more than a crutch. I had no idea that I would be able to face those taunts with firm feet because I knew what Jesus had brought me through.

I didn’t understand then that when I prayed for a miracle that the prayer might be answered in Heaven and not here on Earth. I didn’t know that God would answer some prayers with “no” instead of “yes” or He might even answer with “wait.” Which can be more difficult to hear than no.

This Jesus I follow now, He is my trusted, dearest friend. I know I am loved and treasured. I know that promises He has spoken will never be broken. I didn’t know that when I said yes to Jesus the adventure we would have together would be full of laughter, tough times, the deepening of my roots of Faith, and that there would be loss in the ways I have felt it.

Now I know that the love God has for me is beyond what my finite mind can conceive. I know that as my steps continue forward at the side of Jesus, I will grow more in the grace and the knowledge of my Lord Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18). I now understand that while the truth of 1 Corinthians 2:9 is true so is Job 42:5.  Throughout Scripture I can find truth of believers in the Old and New Testament who saw the way God moved and touched each of us and their lives as well.

Best Beloved, what do you know? Who do you know? Do you know the Jesus who will stand with you through any storm? Or are you still trying to battle the world on your own? Call out to Him- He is waiting to be known by you, too.

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About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
This entry was posted in maturing in Christ, reflections, Walking by Faith and not by sight and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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