After counseling I thought I would be “better”- better at recognizing my emotions, recognizing my triggers, and better at knowing when I was falling into old habits and routines. Now most days, I believe I am “better.” I have a more even step, comfortable and confident after years of tiptoeing around difficult situations and people. But there are days when I don’t focus on being intentional in my decisions and responses. I wake up in a hurry and scurry to get to work, or prepare for a task, and I forget to think first and then act.
One of my favorite authors wrote a book called Present over Perfect. It’s her story about how she slowly changed her hectic pace to one of purpose and deeper meaning. In a chapter called “Heart and Yes” she described her new view for life.
“Saying yes means not hiding. It means being seen in all your imperfections and insecurities. Saying yes is doing scary things without a guarantee that they’ll go perfectly. Saying yes is jumping in anyway” (p. 207).
It was at that point that I realized what the deeper yes was all about. It wasn’t the crazy, busy schedule that made everyone wonder how you did it all. It wasn’t saying no to everyone and everything to become a hermit. It was the deeper yes that allowed you to say yes to what God had planned for you. The yes that allowed you to let go of other’s expectations and embrace who you really were inside. The yes that gave you the courage to trust and to let go.
This is where I am now. A person’s opinion is just that, their opinion. I can take it under advisement or I can thank them for their input and do what needs to be done anyway. I can say no when it is something that doesn’t fit my season in life or even my lifetime. It isn’t about meeting the ever-changing standards of society. It’s about the truth that comes from Scripture and the reality of who I am because of Christ and in Christ.
My deeper yes is my new yes. My real yes. And there is no turning back to who I was before- she is my past. I am saying yes to my future.