I was thinking about all the next few weeks have in store for my dear little family. I realized that my life was going to be changing drastically and our dynamic would never be the same. College bound freshman and high school senior are the two titles my sons hold now. My husband and I will celebrate our twentieth anniversary. How can that be? It’s a whole new season for me, for us all.
And then God reminds me, “I have been preparing you for this since before you even knew it would happen. You aren’t alone and I’m walking with you through it. Let’s celebrate what has happened here and how we have been busy training up these babies into men. Let’s celebrate how your marriage has survived more than you two thought you would. Where else would I have been but by your side as you stumbled and fell? Or stood proud and cheered? I am so happy for you my daughter. You are not the woman you were, you are becoming so much more.”
I remember to breathe and to pray and to praise Him for the grace He has given me when I grumble and for the blessing He has given when I stumble. I am under construction through the power and blessing of the Holy Spirit. I know there are days I want to fuss and complain, it’s natural to dislike what you cannot control. But I don’t have to grumble. I could stop and count the ways God has shown He is beside us the whole time.
I have kept a journal for over twenty-five years, throughout my faith journey. During my pregnancies and throughout the boys’ childhood I have written letters to them about their accomplishments, their growing experiences, and other precious times during their lives. I have not always written in my journals on a daily basis, but with enough frequency that God’s hand can be seen throughout it all.
I can choose to grumble that life isn’t what I want or I can embrace what life is now. I can hold onto God as He continues to lead me forward, my husband forward, and our sons forward. Forward to the lives He has been preparing for us since before time began.
Thank you Father, for the ways you have met our needs when we had no way out. Thank you for the ways you’ve watched over us, since our very conceptions, keeping my husband and me safely growing inside. Our sons, as they grew inside of me. Thank you for the ways that you restored our hearts when they were broken and tattered. Jesus, only you can go forward with our sons in these next months. Our parenting has come to this, standing on the sidelines, cheering still, but no longer running alongside. Protect these young men, may they never lose sight of your Amazing Grace for them. I pray for these next steps, taken alone, yet never alone. May they know You go with them, wherever they may go.
May Your grace always be sufficient and my grumbling cease (2 Corinthians 12:9).