the evolution of me

My life seems like it’s never changing and yet, just the slightest variation in the trajectory will eventually show the biggest shifts. I have been thinking lately about the tasks and activities in my life that I like best and trying to see how to bring them into fruition. It’s made me realize how far I have come.

In high school, my psychology teacher asked the class what it was that we aspired to become. I remember one of the popular girls saying she wanted to be a wife and mother. I was shocked and a bit repulsed. How could a girl in the late 1980’s aspire to stay home? The glass ceiling was supposed to be breaking at any time! I believed I was supposed to go out and find a job, something gritty and yet cool. Something that would have been in a Molly Ringwald movie. But deep down, I didn’t know if that was what I really wanted. In fact, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. To be. To become.

During college my career choices were all over the place, as I tried to find my place. At first it was becoming a graphic art designer, then music, and for about two semesters I wanted to become a nurse– chemistry changed that idea. Finally, I decided to study literature and become a teacher. I graduated with a degree in secondary education/ English and became a state certified teacher. It was the closest fitting career for me. Nurturing students, helping them learn the difference between an adverb and an adjective. Sharing my love of the written word. I truly enjoyed this during the years I stood in a classroom.

Now, nearing my next decade, I realize that the girl in my psychology class was smarter than I thought. I am emotionally fed, encouraged, blessed, and at peace when I am at home. I love the role I have as wife and mother. It is the best career title I could ever have. I have come to see the value of who I am is not in the plaque on the office or classroom door, but in the difference I made at the end of the day. Does my home invite my family to relax and restore their spirits at the end of the day? Do friends know that our door is always open and there will always be a place at the table for them?

Do I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me in my interactions with those I meet during my day? Are the animals, garden, and home stewarded well, so that they last for a long time? Am I content with my tasks, both completed and still to do, at the end of the day? Do I go to bed at night knowing that what I have touched and completed was done to the best of my abilities?

These are the questions I ask myself now. These are the ways my mission, my purpose can make an impact on the world around me in the name of Christ. Hospitality, kindness, mercy, forgiveness, gentleness, love. These are the characteristics that I pray will be part of my legacy. This evolution of me from lost to found, no purpose to for a purpose; these things could only happen through the struggles, strife, striving, tears, laughter, and joy that I have found on my journey.

May you find these same blessings on your journey, Best Beloved. 

About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
This entry was posted in maturing in Christ, reflections and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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