As I have been writing these past weeks I have been wrestling with a sense of depression and hopelessness. Not over a particular thing or event, just an overall gloomy cloud that seems to follow me wherever I go. Work, home, even with the goats and ducks- which usually bring me joy- I have felt a funk. My mom used to struggle with a blue funk that came around Christmas. She didn’t want to decorate, bake, or watch Christmas movies with us. I didn’t understand what the big deal was, after all Christmas is a time to celebrate, right?
Fast forward many years and this Christmas I sensed the funk trying to creep into my life. I would try to fight it by watching Christmas movies or play Christmas music on my lunch breaks at work. Whatever I could do to keep the funk at bay. These past few weeks I couldn’t see it, but the funk was sneaking into my heart again.
I was sitting with my family in the living room, knowing I had a sink of dishes to do, and preparations for tomorrow to accomplish before bed. I had decided I could make a loaf of bread from scratch too. So when I would have gone to bed, I had to stay up until it was done rising and baking. What a fool I was, I thought.
As I closed my eyes to muster more energy from an already depleted tank, I heard a whisper in my heart. I’ve got the sweet, sweet victory. At first only a word or two came to mind, then when I realized it was a song, I got up and went to the kitchen with a new sense of hope. I tried to find the song on Spotify, then I went to YouTube where I found the video of Yolanda Adams’ song Victory. And word by word I found myself filing up again. My tank was being restored with the truth of the Holy Spirit. My God has already claimed the victory. I just need to step into it.
I found myself praising God with every dirty dish I washed, every clean dish I put away. As I kneaded the bread for the last time, the kitchen became a holy place. The funk in the room was replaced by the sweet, sweet Spirit of Heaven itself. As I let the song list on YouTube play I found Truth after Truth in the lyrics about God’s goodness, His perfect timing, the joy that can come in the midst of the storms. I was kneeling on the floor and praising His name for the Victory He claimed on Calvary for me, for you. For everyone.
My situation hasn’t changed. My perspective has changed. I have been reminded that God- God- God- isn’t surprised by what is happening in my life. He isn’t throwing His hands up saying He can’t find a solution. NO. Not my God. He is lifting me up and placing me in His sweet, tender embrace. I am His child. I am the Beloved of God. Nothing is going to prevent this Truth from lasting into eternity. He will never leave me or forsake me. He is for me. He loves me with an everlasting love. I don’t have to know the solutions for my problems, my worries, even my doubts. God has the answers, the peace, the faith to meet me right where I am.
Precious child of the One True King, what does your battlefield look like today? Are you seeing the size of your opponent and feeling defeated before you step on the field? Are you thinking, What’s the point in trying? Please, Dear One, don’t give up. God is there. He may not be visible, but He is there. In the touch of a friend, a text, a call, a smile. Jesus isn’t ever going to walk away from you. So take a deep breath with me and reach up to take the hand of our Heavenly Father who loves you. Let the Holy Spirit come in and fill your place, heart, mind, and soul with the sweet fragrance of Heaven.