In 1996, I sent my resume to the Alaskan teacher certification board. My plan was to get approved to teach there and then move to Alaska, teaching and living a frontier lifestyle. My request was denied. The state education board said my degree was not from an accredited school. I later learned this was a clerical error, but by then I was married and a mother.
It has been my pattern to seek out the most extreme ideas when a wide open opportunity is presented. Like a child arriving at a large playground who tries to run to all the equipment at the same time. I run ahead of God, forgetting His purposes, His perfect plan for me in His Kingdom.
I can quote Jeremiah 29:11, Micah 6:8, or Proverbs 3:5-6, yet, when I am supposed to be seeking God’s wisdom and direction, I am more like an uncontrolled child. Disaster is eminent. I had decided to go to Alaska in 1996 following a broken engagement a year or two before. Where was the faith I claimed to have? Where was the trust?
Only after I received the denial letter from Alaska did I slow down. I begin to listen again to God, who had been trying to get my attention for over a year. He was calling me to Himself, to come and sit at His feet like Mary and lean into Him (Luke 10:38-42). Learning to be still again, to pray and write it all down. I had forgotten my first love (Isaiah 17:10).
It was never supposed to be me, myself, or I deciding on my own which path to take. It was God’s perfect plan. I began my way back to Him.
I started with a specific time and place each day to meet with God. I had a journal, a cassette tape of Christian music, and my Bible. During the next nine months I grew deeper into love with God. I sought His wisdom in everything. Over twenty years later, I am forever grateful for that special season of prayer.
Sure, I would like to say that I never ran ahead of God again. I cannot. I can say that my time being a wild child is shorter. My ears are now better tuned to His voice.
Best Beloved, I do not know what you are facing right now. I will not pretend to understand your battles, your sorrows, or your accomplishments. I do not have to understand. God does, that is enough.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity, (Jeremiah 29:11-14a NIV, bold mine).
It isn’t just that God has the plans and He is going to dole them out to me like an allowance. His plan includes growing me more and more into His image. When I grasp this and do not let go, only then am I ready to begin my journey.
It is no longer a time of worrying about what to do. It is a time to seek His hand and His face and walk according to His plans for me.
Best Beloved, it doesn’t matter how far ahead you have gone, whether you have forgotten the sound of God’s voice. It only takes the action of turning around. Our one step to Him is met by the thousands of steps God takes toward us (Luke 15:4-10).
What is preventing you, Dear One, from seeking His face before anything else? Ask Him to meet you where you are, to help you figure out where your stumbling.
He is faithful, The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it, (1 Thessalonians 5:24).