The past week has been full of so many demands and unexpected things that it felt good to be stuck at home due to a blizzard over the weekend. The snow drifts made going to church impossible so I chose to rest and be still instead on Sunday morning. It was wonderful actually.
I am now into this week and I find myself facing further changes to my daily routine. Effective this Friday, my sweet hubby and I will be working for different companies for the first time since we moved to Nebraska. For nearly five years we have worked either side by side or nearby, driving into work together and then home again. I have enjoyed the time together in the truck, being silly, catching up with recent conversations we had with our sons. Monday morning will come and he will drop me off and then go to his new job. I won’t spend my lunch break with him, be able to speak with him about a work situation I need assistance to complete. It will be just me.
I know it sounds like a high school romance when the boy goes off to college, but much of our relationship is spent being near each other. It might seem silly, but I like knowing he is there. He is my person, from now until the last breath.
During the weeks leading up to his final day at work, I have been whining at God. Petulant, foolish, even ridiculous, I know. I imagine God looking at me with a smirk on His face, slightly amused, waiting for me to be done with my little tantrum. His patience with me is simply because He loves me and knows I will be fine. Much like a parent with a small child who is upset his or her yellow socks aren’t clean, God knows this will not break me. It does however bug me.
A month ago I came across a verse from Judges that I liked so I put it on a sticky note. The LORD has already given you victory! (Judges 7:15). I initially put the sticky note on my iPad keyboard so I would see it as a reminder. Eventually, it became a piece of paper that I moved every time I needed to use my iPad.
Today, when I moved the sticky note, God tapped my heart. My precious child, do you realize yet, that I have given you the victory over your situation? Even the simple thing of your husband working somewhere else? Don’t you know I will be with you? It is your time to be independent and stretch yourself. It is his time to stretch himself as well. While staying together is enjoyable, it is not allowing you to grow. That is the season you two need now. A growing season. Don’t worry, I know the truth, I know the future, and I know your hearts. Trust Me. Lean into Me. Listen to Me. Learn from Me. This time is important for the next season you two will face. I love you. Trust Me.
And that is the rub. I am not trusting God who has always held me in the palm of His hand (Isaiah 41:10, 13). Anything else I try to do will not succeed, not in an eternal way, at least. Best Beloved, I don’t know where you are right now in your walk, but don’t get stuck there. God has so much more for you to do, to see, to know, if only we will follow Him and trust Him.
Oh Father, please meet me here. The victory over separation and change is already mine. May I walk in faith again and leave doubt behind. I love you, too.