I have been waiting for some news for the past couple of weeks. At first, it was just something that was part of my day. I would occasionally check my inbox to see if there was an update and then go on with my tasks. In the past few days I have found myself checking to see if my email is working correctly. Checking my junk inbox, making sure the sender is not being blocked somehow. My whole day has become a success or failure based on the content of my inbox.
My anxiety has been building and I have had small panic attacks hit over the past week. It’s ridiculous that I have been feeling this way and yet, this morning, there I was again, checking my inbox.
What are you trusting and leaning into today? I heard a voice whisper.
I hung my head. I had been putting all of my energies into the inbox. I was looking to an inanimate object for solace, for joy, for hope; all of it. I quit trusting that God was still holding me in the palm of His hand (Isaiah 41:10, 13). Whether I get an email or not, no matter the content, God is still in control. He is still on the Throne in Heaven.
I hung my head and prayed. God, I did it again. I am sorry. Help me to find peace and contentment no matter what. You are supposed to be my source, nothing else. Forgive me and help me to lean into You. Not my inbox.
Best Beloved, where are you banking today? Are you allowing the alarm clock to determine what you put your faith into today? Are you allowing the actions of others to determine your attitude? Are you waiting for news and focusing on if the news will be good or bad? No shame from me, I do the same thing. My prayer for both of us, Dear Ones, is for us to remember that the “thing” will never bring us the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I pray for us both, that when we lean away form God to something else, we will stop and remember Who promises us, Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior… (Isaiah 43:1b-3a).
No item, idea, person, job, opportunity will ever meet this kind of promise. It’s time to take my hopes out of the “account” of my inbox and put them back into the bank account held at the “bank” of my Most High God. He is always with me. No matter what.