When it doesn’t stop

Some days life seems like a straight, flat open road, one just asking for windows down, radio up, and letting the simple things take over. Other days, whew, other days are like trying to drive on square wheels. Every bump, every inch is jolting, being tossed about, nothing remains where it belongs. Soon questions come, Will it ever settle down? Will I ever feel like I am normal again? What else do I have to take on? How can I possibly take on another thing?

The past week has been completely ridiculous and crazy. Broken promises, unresolved issues coming to the surface, emotional explosions, so much turmoil, so little peace. I hate crying. Not someone else crying, but myself crying. I don’t let go very often, so when I do, it’s like a pressure cooker releasing steam, lots of heat, lots of power. It is overwhelming.

I almost called into work today because the pressure has been building. I wish I could say it is just the stressors of work, as we are in peak season right now. But it isn’t. Work is actually just the icing to my bitter cake. Dear hubby knew I was a mess today, so he reached out to over a half dozen of our friends and family, including our sons, to ask them to send me some encouragement.

I didn’t know it at first, although it seemed odd to have a few texts from those I don’t hear from regularly. The tip off was my mom. Every. Single. Time. If she knows I am hurting, she is there. The final proof was my dad and brother who sent a text to say they were thinking of me.

I knew it was hubby’s way of making sure I knew I was important and precious, even if he couldn’t send me all the texts himself. His plan worked. I felt the love and made it through my day. I am now home in my pajamas and will be in bed soon.

Best Beloved, here is the truth of the matter. Being a believer isn’t all about the fun, the joy, the celebration of Christ. Sometimes it is the lamenting. Recognizing that the world is still broken, we are not perfected yet. Things are messy. We are messy.

At the same time, it also remembering that this is not the end. The struggles are not the final act. It is only the crescendo to the story. Having our faith grow, being a comfort to others, being comforted by others, these are the moments when the story reaches the climax. We can lean into each other, we can lean into Jesus. He is the victor over pain, loss, disappointment, brokenness, shattered hearts, and even shattered dreams.

Jesus is our Healer, our Sustainer, our Redeemer, our Comforter. We will continue to face trials, struggles, battles, temptations. We will fall, we will get dirty, scraped knees, even break bones. But we also have the ability to stand back up, to keep going forward. To know that this is not the end, it is only the middle of the story.

While the pain may seem to never stop, neither does the grace, the mercy, or the healing. It’s all about where we put our focus. Do we set our eyes on the mess or the Messiah?

Praying for you and asking for prayers for me today, too.



About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
This entry was posted in growing pains, maturing in Christ, Walking by Faith and not by sight and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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