My husband likes to turn on the lights in a room, even if it’s daylight. It bugs me. I used to tell the boys, “God made the sun for a reason. Use it.” I can’t stand “fake” light during the day. As the sun sets I still find myself trying to squeeze the last of the light from the sky. I will only turn the lights on as a last resort. My theory is that I have memorized the floor plan and I can maneuver around in the dark and still find my way.

Yeah. You can imagine how well that works.

I have miscounted steps and misjudged a number of floor plans in my life and my big toes and pinky toes can tell the tales. My marriage is a lot like trying to walk in the dark, but the injuries are far from stubbed toes for my husband or myself.

When Eve and Adam were still in the Garden of Eden, the serpent as we know, planted doubts in Eve’s mind. He made her doubt that God was focused on the best for them. She instead believed, that God telling them not to eat of the fruit was His way of controlling them. In the end, both Adam and Eve ate the fruit and were cast out of the Garden. (Genesis 3).

Eve allowed the enemy to manipulate her into believing obedience was not as important as being in control. It is a battle I have fought and lost many times. My need to be in control has brought more bruises and cuts, swollen toes, and defiance than anything else I know.

I have been the source of frustration and hurt in my husband’s heart and in turn, he has been the same for me. We find ourselves trying to find our way in the dark, retracing the steps we have taken for years, never realizing that we can stop tripping. Our battle is not with each other. Even if it wears a mask, the truth is, our battle is with the enemy. The same as Eve and Adam back in the garden.

Marriage is one of the enemy’s favorite targets. He has worked for millennia to tear apart what God has put together. What better creation to damage than the one that represents Jesus and the Church (Ephesians 5:25-27)?

Many people have taken the passage in Ephesians 5 and started at verse 22 when they want to reference marriage roles. The verse starting that passage is the one we- I – forget in my haste to defend myself.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).

It is not about whether or not my husband deserves my submission, my honor. It is about Christ. He is why I am called to honor my husband, to show him that he matters. His words, his heart, his feelings are important. My heart and feelings are important too, but they aren’t the only ones. It was the very tactic the enemy used with Eve. To forget the other person and focus on myself.

My battles are not against my husband. Not really, in fact, not ever. My battles, his battles, are with the enemy. The roaring lion who roams the earth to seek, kill, and destroy (John 10:10, 1 Peter 5:8).

My enemy is not my husband, your enemy is not your spouse. Our enemy is God’s enemy. No one else, nothing else.

The lightbulb has been lit again in my heart and mind. I can see clearly now, as the song goes. I don’t have to try to feel my way around in the dark, hoping that I am finding my way. I can turn to the Light of the World (John 8:12). Just like when the light switch is flipped, the Light comes into the room and the darkness flees (James 4:7).

Best Beloved, you may be in the sweet season of your marriage, you may be in the trenches trying to decide if your spouse is your enemy or your ally. Whatever you are facing, it’s time to turn on the lights. Seek a mentor, your pastor, study Scripture, and Best Beloved, above all pray.

Prayer is the equipment we have immediately available to us. Jesus has already beaten the enemy. He cannot fully win against Heaven, but he will do his best (worst) to destroy what God has created.

It is time to live out the truth of our wedding vows. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do us part. Knowing that What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. In this case, what God has joined together, let the enemy not destroy.

Flip the switch, Dear Ones, and see the truth. Seek forgiveness, give forgiveness. It is time to turn on the Lights.

About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
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