Your own…

I had an anxiety attack at church this Sunday. I feel foolish, even stupid, and super embarrassed. A wonderful friend and mentor asked the simple question, How are you doing? She knows my birthday is in the next few weeks and wanted to know how things were going as we prepare for company.

I started to tell her about the condition of things- stuff that doesn’t normally bother me. It was the domino that knocked me down, soon I found myself feeling “snappy” at a couple of other friends. I texted my husband and asked for his “buzzer bands.” Shortly after I put them on, I felt myself calming down. He learned about the TouchPoint bands from his counselor and they have made a huge difference for us.

It has been almost six months since I had an anxiety attack. I thought once I left the previous environment that triggered them daily, I would be all better, as I used to tell my boys. That’s the thing about anxiety, it works in stealth mode, all while setting up trap doors and other innocent looking situations that will send you reeling.

My hubby has also faced some emotional traps recently. Situations that previously would require serious intervention and keeping him under watch. Gratefully, he passed the test without fraying his mental health. I was so proud, am so proud, of him. Our marriage has been strengthened by supporting family and friends, our faith, counseling and medication as needed.

Hubby and I have been our own worst enemies in the past, which led to us being enemies of each other instead of helpers for one another. Mental health is one of the things I never thought I would have to face. I mean, who cares, I am fine. I can do anything I set my mind to do. I often feel that I have to always be producing successes and marking things off my to-do list. I never knew how harmful this behavior could be, until I found myself on the verge of screaming tears. My successes were becoming failures at a rapid rate.

As I age, my hubby has been reminding me that I can put off until tomorrow what I cannot do today. What a contrary way to see life.

Again and again, I am grateful for the husband God prepared for me. Hubby Dearest is very good at helping me slow down and not cram 14 hours of tasks into a 6-8 hour window. One would think I could recognize that on my own. But, with severe anxiety and an engrained producer mentality, it is hard to see anything but the To-Do list waiting for another check mark to show I completed the task.

Best Beloved, are you able to recognize when it is time to walk away from the list of things you want to do? Are you able to accept that God is not looking at you for the things you do each day? Our worth is not based on what we do, but on what He has already done.

His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him, who called us by His own glory and goodness (2 Peter 1:3 HCSB).


Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Amen indeed.

About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
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