It has been five years since I was diagnosed with severe anxiety. Since my diagnosis, I have had a year of counseling and been put on medication. I have worked on recognizing my triggers and countering them with ways to redirect my thinking.
This past week I have been battling old demons that I thought were long dead. The thing about anxiety is that many of the demons are like an immortal Dracula–never truly dead and always ready to suck out your very life. Some of the things that have reared their heads include:
- Irrational thinking
- Fear of failing
- Wild running in my mind- like a stampede of irrational thinking
- Severe exhaustion
- Constantly checking to see if I have done everything on my self-created list
- Fear of disappointing someone (spouse, friend, coworker, supervisor)
- Fear of being left by someone
When I am in the middle of an anxiety tailspin, I become short-tempered, easily agitated, prone to not wanting to engage with anyone, and desperate for a cool, dark, quiet place. Not really the best situation as one comes into the holiday season.
Last night I went to bed at 7:15 – something I have not done in forever. When my hubby came to bed about three hours later, I was so agitated by his presence I left our room and slept in the guest room. I couldn’t explain why I was leaving, I just knew I had to leave.
In times like these (which happen more than I want to admit), I make a simple plea to God to take the anxiety away and I push as hard as I can against the negative thoughts. I have given nearly forty years to anxiety and now that I know that i don’t have to live that way, I want to claim the next forty years to the freedom I can have through Christ.
Best Beloved, what have you been holding onto for too long? Hand it off to God, Dear Ones. And if it comes back again, hand it off again. And again. Keep handing it off until it remains in His hands.