Dreaming in the quiet

I had my annual physical this month. I had the usual height, weight, temperature, blood pressure taken, all of which were fine. I had fasted for my blood work to check cholesterol levels, my thyroid, etc. My numbers were all in the normal range, which was encouraging.

One thing that came up during my visit was a review of the medication I take every day. I take a low dosage of allergy medication and a low dosage of blood pressure medication. I have also been taking anxiety meds for years now, but my dosage has fluctuated a lot during this time. It turns out, I had been taking twice as much as I should have been taking. In a sense, I had been overdosing for at least six months and never realized it.

After working in a highly stressful environment for so long, I had begun to believe my anxiety would always been on the cusp of overwhelming me, no matter the dosage. What I learned is that the more medication I was taking, the less the effect. I was basically erasing all the good that was being done because I was taking too much.

It has been a few weeks since my appointment and I am finally enjoying the peace I had been desperate to find. I am able to put my head down at night and sleep immediately and soundly. I am not feeling like my mind is on fast forward and my restless legs have even settled down.

It’s amazing what happens when the body is cared for in the best way possible.

As I thought about all the time I had felt like a constant propeller, being blown by the inconstant wind, never resting, I heard a whisper, My Child, that is what it looks like when you don’t come to me for help.

Oh. Yeah.

My internal wiring is to complete tasks, report the completion, and continue to do more. My weekends, though satisfying, were also exhausting. I felt that I couldn’t let a weekend go by without having a list of completed tasks to show for it. I was trying to earn my worth. My hubby would tell me again and again to sit down, slow down, let it wait until another day. To my ears all I heard was, be lazy, which contradicted everything running in my head.

In the weeks since my medication change, I have found myself sitting down, prioritizing what was needed and what I wanted to do. I spent an afternoon sitting and mending the pile of clothes that had been growing. I picked up my quilting again and remembered how much I enjoyed its simplicity.

I am starting to understand the attraction of drawing close to God, of resting in His presence, and of being filled with His peace the whole time.

There is great wisdom in David’s words, The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul (Psalm 23:1-3 NIV).

The sheep were under their shepherd’s care. They could graze and know he was watching for predators, dangerous terrain, and knew where to take them to rest. They were free to eat, play, and sleep because he was always there.

Best Beloved, what is your internal pace today? Are you resting? Are you rushing? Come with me and let us find the Shepherd together. He will show us where there is sweet grass, a cool breeze, and a safe place to lay our heads down.

Blessings to you, Dear One.

About gretchenr17

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Writer, farmer, fellow sojourner... at every turn I learn a bit more about God's wild mercies.
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